Who's Your Mommy?

Yesterday evening I got an email from another of my older student’s teachers, saying she was still falling asleep in class. This is a problem we’ve been having since the beginning. Very often, I will have to shake her awake in class. She can be reading and, mid-sentence, she’ll nod off. Now I hear that she’s even dozing when she is taking a quiz.

She spends 97% of her day studying and doing schoolwork. She stays up until all hours of the night, even after she has finished her work, to continue studying. Her dedication is admirable, but there comes a point where, if your head and eyes are drooping, you aren’t taking in much studying at all. I’ve explained this to her countless times. Still, she constantly dawdles her way around her bedtime routine.

I confronted my student about the problem immediately. I suggested that we rearrange the after-school schedule a bit, so that she has a choice of either having time to take a nap, or starting her classes with me earlier so that she can finish earlier and go to bed earlier. Unfortunately, she isn’t exactly what you would call a decisive girl. When you give her options, she doesn’t quite know what to do with them. This is also something I’ve been working on with her.

It occurs to me that these are the issues a parent (not a live-in tutor) should be discussing with their child. However, as her parents are in Korea, the responsibility falls on Lucy and I as her temporary guardians. Yet, it astounds me that her parents can be so controlling from so far away about everything else under the sun – so much so, that the poor girl has never learned to make decisions for herself.

I remember the same problem when she was trying to decide to which colleges to apply. I gave her a long, comprehensive list. Yet, when it came time to narrowing down her final choices, she was stumped. Too many options. I talked her through every single program, showed her how to make a list of pros and cons. Still, her choices seemed half-hearted and ambivalent.

Last week she completed five out of seven of her college applications and I, in turn, wrote her a letter of recommendation. I have written letters for people before (namely to recommend a professor for tenure), but have found it easy to boast and rave about them. This time, however, the words came, but with some reluctance. I’ve often wondered how some professors must struggle to rhapsodize over a student about whom they weren’t 100% confident. Now I have some understanding.

I want my student to succeed. I want her to go to college and I want her dreams to come true. I am of two minds. My letter is not necessarily a lie; I do believe she is capable of the things I’ve suggested. Nonetheless, also think her potential may be slightly delayed more than others. I worry about how much catch-up she’ll have to do once she gets there.