Just Another Wonderful Day in China

The whole idea of this week was that I was supposed to have five days of peace and relaxation. So far, success has been thwarted two days in a row. I think China is still holding a grudge against me. She’s really putting a crimp in my style, boy.

Yesterday I went to the phone company to top up my minutes. Dealing with the guy at the counter was murder. Or, rather, I nearly committed murder. I gave him 100 Yuan. He said it was loaded, so I walked away, thinking that – like many times before – my phone would be working again within twenty minutes.

An hour later, still nothing. I went back to the store, thinking I could get him to fix the problem, whatever that may be. I spent the next hour arguing with the guy. He knew just enough English to piss me off, and I knew just enough Chinese to get seriously frustrated. Between the two of us, it was quite the back and forth. I informed him that if he could not fix the problem, I wanted my money back. His answer? “No.” That’s all. “No.” My response? “Yes.” Simple. Direct. “Yes.” I will have my money back. There is no logic in paying for a service when you don’t receive that service. I explained this to him. He shook his head. I made my I’m-not-leaving-until-I-get-what-I-want face.

He turned to the computer in front of him and tried to translate several things to me from Chinese to English. It didn’t help. Translators are not very accurate and half the time they end up creating sentences that make no sense whatsoever. In fact, I’m fairly sure his translator made up some new words I had never seen before.

In the end, I got what I wanted. My phone worked. He had called headquarters, gone online, took apart my phone, checked the sim-card, and I might have even seen him do a little dance that looked like the chicken. Whatever he did, it worked. When I called Lucy to tell her what happened, she informed me that this dude is famous for ripping people off. He’s a cheat and a crook. Not on my watch, pal.

That experience, however, was trumped by today’s little blunder. I ran out of bread, like you do. This is inconvenient when you plan on spending the entire day in bed, or walking around your apartment naked after soaking in a bath. But that wasn’t the calamity. The source of today’s chagrin would be that my electric scooter was stolen. Yes, the Malibu Barbie bike has vanished, never to return. It would seem that even a bike lock, key/ignition lock, and wheel lock is not enough to stop a determined scooter thief.

At this point, I can hardly be bothered to care. If anything, it simply means I will have a very long walk to and from the grocery store. I griped for about two and a half minutes, then threw away my little face-guard helmet-like thingy, and started to walk toward Starbucks. When in doubt, have a latte. The resurfacing of my old addiction has perfect timing.