Just when you think you're safe...

A gloomy day today. I woke up this morning to a rejection email from one of the eleven PhD programs I applied to. I was not accepted. Total bummer. Ten more replies left. I’m waiting in agony.

Then, I had to travel an hour and a half outside of the city for a job interview that I thought would be the perfect solution to my joblessness. They want to hire me, but now I'm not so sure I want to accept.

So, because I am a tad anal retentive, I’ve made a list of pros and cons for two job prospects: the pros and cons list for the school outside the city, and the pros and cons list for taking on private tutoring once again.

The School - pros:
*Meet cool international folks
*A more interesting curriculum to follow
*4,000 RMB airfare reimbursement
*Nice living quarters at the school during the week

The School - cons:
*Hell of a commute
*Food, especially vegetarian, will be an issue (they serve only Chinese... with lots of meat)
*Less salary than expected without the ability to add more hours
*Must cover all expenses for working visa, including another trip to Hong Kong that I cannot afford
*Boring location, surrounded by nothing... even the trees look like stiff soldiers that aren't allowed to grow wild

Private Tutoring - pros:
*Probably make more money, if I keep a good schedule
*Control my own hours
*Food will not be an issue
*Live with family and do not have to commute back and forth on weekends

Private Tutoring - cons:
*No airfare reimbursement (but I'll probably be able to make it through working more hours)
*Probably a more boring curriculum

Hmmm... Easy decision. I think I'll be more comfortable staying in the city and taking the tutoring jobs when I can get them. If I manage my time wisely, I could make up towards 20,000 RMB each month - double what I expected to make at the school.

I wish so much that I could stick my pride in my back pocket and just fly on home. But I don't want to be a coward. I really don't. I am just so tired of struggling to keep my head above water. I just keep thinking that I only have to put up with this for five months. Then, I'll look back and be proud that I didn't crumble and come running home with my tail between my legs (however tempting that sounds). But what would I be coming back to? I'd just have to do the same frustrating job hunt at home. Only, I would be doing it in my own language.

When I got back this afternoon, I had a cup of tea to calm down. It helped me to regroup. So, tomorrow morning I have another interview and I begin the whole rigamarole all over again. This time with a tutoring agency. Next week I have another interview, in case tomorrow's doesn't work out. And there's another one on hold as back up.

Tomorrow should be better.