Back in the Belly of the Beast

Dear China,

Leaving you was a sudden and temporary solution to our relationship problems. Hopefully the time apart has made us more able to cope with each others’ differences. If you can try a little harder to stop being a pain in my ass all the time, I will try to stop being such a whiney brat. I’ll try.

Last night I arrived back in Hangzhou and, therefore, back into the realm of Chinese censorship. Once again I’m forced to send these posts as black market email so others may keep my blog for me. I’m reminded once again that, in China, there is no direct route to your destination. For once, I wouldn’t mind a non-stop flight.

At 4:00 am, Linus and I left Laramie for Denver. He gave me the choice of Interstate 80 to I-25 or to wind through 287. Naturally, I asked if we could drive 287. Because it was still dark, as we reached the foothills of the pass, I asked him to pull over so that I could simply stare upwards. The sky was pocked with stars and I knew I wasn’t going to see them again for almost a year. The complete darkness made them seem almost closer.

At the Denver airport, the woman at the check-in counter for United Airlines nearly gave me a heart attack when she told me I’d missed my chance to enter China. Fortunately for me, she was only a poor reader. My valid enter-before-this-date was Sept 16. She didn’t happen to notice that it was of 2010, not 2009. My panic subsided.

The great thing about having a 4 hour layover in San Francisco is the fresh seafood. For a late breakfast: Dungeness crab eggs Benedict. Yes, the traditional eggs Benedict, but with enormous chunks of crabmeat. Delicious. Just the thing to prepare you for a twelve-hour flight across the Pacific.

Notable in-flight movies: 1) “Easy Virtue.” Someone please give Stephen Elliott my thanks for capturing Noel Coward’s genius on film. 2) “The Soloist.” I’ll watch anything with Robert Downey, Jr., and this was as good as expected. It also helps if you, like me, adore the cello.

Incredibly, when landing in Shanghai, I was not quarantined this time around. In fact, I believe the Porky and Babe Virus scare has started to dwindle, since there were no biohazard ogres boarding the plane to take our temperature before we were allowed off the jet.

Two taxis and a two-hour train ride later, I finally arrived at the apartment in Hangzhou. I immediately jumped into the shower to wash away the grit of travel. As I did so, I couldn’t help thinking that I was reluctantly washing away Wyoming along with it.

Predicted four-day forecast: Jetlag.

Aspen Alley and the Quiet West

Last weekend I had the opportunity to take a two-hour drive with some dear friends up over the Snowy Mountains and into the Sierra Madres of Carbon County. We came to Aspen Alley. Wyoming’s fall may not be as colorful as New England’s, but it is still stunning. The aspen tree leaves turn to a bright pollen color, as if they’ve soaked in the color of the sun, making everything look like it has been coated in amber or dusted in gold.

Carbon County’s beauty just proves my devotion to the autumn season. It remains the perfect time of year, and my favorite. It is an artist’s paradise.

We picked a clearing in the grove to set out several folding chairs while we picnicked on sandwiches and grapes. For the first time in over four months I was cold and it felt great. I borrowed Kaijsa’s Washington sweatshirt and snapped a few dozen photos of our group as we relished the serene surroundings.

On our return, we stopped in the tiny town of Woods Landing for pie and coffee. What better way to top off the American trails than with the all-American dessert? We turned out our pockets for change and invited the jukebox to play Elvis, MeatLoaf and some Bob Dylan.

Coming back into town, I reflected on our day. It is times like these that tell me why I love the quiet west. There are rare occasions and infrequent places that allow us to commune so closely with the natural world. Like Thoreau, I too wish to transcend from the hustle-bustle of urbanity. When I do, my mood shifts upwards and I see what contentment looks like. Here I can breathe.

Here she goes again

Ok, China. I've got a new visa. My flight leaves from Denver on Saturday morning and this time I am ready for you. No games this time. No tricks. I'm coming back on the condition that you and I have an open and honest relationship. I realize that I may be better at this than you, so I will try to be patient.

I've felt a little guilty the past ten days, because whenever someone asks me "How is China?" I’ve been telling them how difficult it is, that I am less than thrilled. While that's not untrue, it is not the whole truth. I like experiencing the different culture and language and I like knowing that there are struggles I can handle. Part of me was afraid that I was a bit of a princess and couldn't deal with the hard stuff, but now I know I can - I just don't want to. Then again, who does? It’s good to know what your limitations are and how much you can actually put up with. I know I get homesick easily, but can tough it out if need be.

While I've been home, many people have been asking me, "Why are you going back? If you don't like it there, why don't you just come home, start a life, and enjoy yourself?" I must be honest; it's a tempting idea. I've considered applying for a job at the Laramie Community College. I know they're looking for lecturers for the spring semester; but there is a major part of me that doesn't want to chicken out on China, that I would feel like somewhat of a failure and a coward for coming back so soon and not sticking it out. The whole point of me going to China was to have the full experience of living for a year in a third-world developing country and having more to write about. This is the problem with growing up Catholic: you stay in relationships you know aren’t working because you are taught to follow through on your commitments.

So I'm pressing on. I'll return to China on Saturday, finish my current job in Hangzhou for the next three months, and then move to Beijing. Now that I know what is in store for me in the months to come, I think I'm up for it. I may not like things the way they are now, but I am convinced that everything will change in December. I keep repeating that, but it may be because I'm trying to convince myself that it's true. It's my new mantra. "Everything will be all right in December. Everything will be all right in December. Everything will be all right in December..."

You haven't called

That isn't to say I have been waiting by the phone, hoping you'll ring me; but it would be nice to know you cared, China. If I'm going to come back in a few days, you have to show me that you'll change - buy me flowers, offer me real dark chocolate, give me a few more massages.

Do I miss China? No. But I am ready to return. I was unprepared for the culture shock and the devastation of leaving things unsettled back here; but now things are a little clearer. I've had time to stew and regroup. Now I am fit for battle. In spite of a gaggle of mixed metaphors, I'm now more aware of what this year abroad will bring me, especially after looking back at the past four months. They were a warm up.

Yes, the honeymoon is over and the real work begins. This is the part of the relationship with which many people struggle - the middle. Beginnings are new and exciting. You don't know what to expect and you are both so interested in learning. The end is either a bittersweet or just plain bitter, but an end is in sight and the relief is imminent. However, it is in the middle that we can get a little lost. Sometimes, in order to find our way back, we need a little respite, some slight reprieve or temporary amnesty to bring you together again.

China and I may have just saved our relationship. These past days have been an opportunity to gain some keen new perspective. It is often in absence that we appreciate our significant others. I see what she's done here. She's pushed me away just long enough to let me know that I have to be the one to call her. I've been playing a game of chicken without knowing it. Fine. Tomorrow I'll phone China and make plans for a reconciliation. All this for a year-long fling. Let's hope she's worth the trouble.

Not Quite 10 Things I Hate About You

Dear China,

This isn't a love letter and I don't want you back. I have been home in Wyoming for three days now and I don't miss you at all. Since I've made this visit, I've developed a list of reasons why our relationship isn't working. Please take it personally and consider changing before I return next week.

1) You are communist. I am democratic. We come from different backgrounds and that is hard to cope with in a relationship.

2) You repress your people and I want them to rise up and say, "Revolution! Revolt of the proletariat!" But you have not taught the Chinese people to be free thinkers.

3) I don't like your cooking. Your food is hard on me. I think I've said enough about this in the past.

4) Living with you is like living with a messy roommate. I never feel clean and it is always my turn to take out the garbage - never yours. And you smell. Please import deodorant and stop cooking stinky tofu.

5) You keep me from everyone I love. You make me choose between you and my friends and that isn't love. When I left you for Wyoming I realized just how many people I left behind. There are so many people I love here, not to mention friendships that had only just barely begun.

6) You like the heat. I hate living in the heat. I hate the heat. I hate it. I absolutely hate it. That is all.

7) You don't close your mouth when you chew, and that is just gross.

8) You make everything more difficult than it has to be. Everything I try to accomplish in China is either thwarted or sidetracked. It's like my Dad's jolly-rigging job with the kitchen stove. You have to turn on the living room lights to cook an egg. It makes no sense.

9) I'm usually not one to complain about size, but you are too big.

China, you are GREAT for two or three weeks; but after that, the honeymoon is over and I want to get the hell outta Dodge.

Always,
M

Reprieve

China kicked me out. She threw my clothes out on the front lawn of the apartment complex. My laundry fell from eight floors up before it hit the ground. She knows I never wanted the relationship in the first place, but now my poor students are stuck in the middle of a messy split. So, instead of calling it quits for good, it is just a brief separation.

This has been the longest Saturday of my life. On Friday, I registered residency – again – this time with the Bin Jiang District police station, then took a twenty-minute taxi ride back to Xiaoshan’s immigration office to see if I could renew my tourist visa one more time. When I arrived, they told me I had to have a Chinese bank account. I asked the duty officer why. His response was, “I don’t know. It is just policy.” Way to be a robot, dude.

Not only did I need a Chinese bank account (for a tourist???), but I also needed to apply for the renewal in my own district. So, back to Bin Jiang, only to discover that the immigration office closed at 5:00 pm and not 5:30. We arrived at 5:09 to find the office lobby dark and the doors locked up. I bet they didn’t even wait until 5:01 to close. China, man. She’s got a schedule.

So, with my visa expiration approaching within twenty-four hours, I had no choice but to leave the country. Originally, the plan was to fly to Korea, where I would stay with my boss and she would arrange for a business visa. However, you cannot make plans in China. There is no future – only a now. I was later informed that it would not be possible to get a visa in Korea, or any other country besides the U.S. It has something to do with third countries and being an American and Communist bull that I don’t understand. Blah blah blah.

The next morning, I made quick arrangements for a flight from Shanghai to Denver via Chicago. In order to get to Shanghai in time for my flight, the train was out of the question, since it wasn’t guaranteed that there would be seats available. Instead, I hired an illegal taxi to take me straight to Pudong airport.

It took three and a half hours to drive to Shanghai. It consisted of mostly silence, save for two short conversations in broken Chinese about bus exhaust and bridge construction. My flight to Chicago lasted fourteen hours, with a two-hour layover that just barely gave me time to get through customs. The customs officer was surprisingly pleasant – and cute. Finally, I boarded my flight to Denver and passed out in a fetal position the second I found my seat: the last seat of the last row on the plane. It was a two-and-a-half hour flight to Denver, and a two hour drive to Laramie, where I am now safely and comfortable going to fall asleep for the next day or two.

Monday I will send in my application for a new visa. Hopefully it will take a very long time. I’m enjoying English conversation and clean mountain air.

China’s and My Relationship Status

The bad news: China rejected me and wants to break up. The Chinese government denied my request for a business visa because I’ve been in the country too long. Idiocy. My tourist visa expires on Saturday and my boss decided to leave all this until the last minute. Very smart.

My options are these: Tomorrow I will go back to Xiaoshan to the embassy and ask to renew my tourist visa one more time. Likely I will not be able to, since I believe you can only renew once and I have already done so. You can only cheat on China once. She holds grudges and doesn’t forgive easily. The second option: This weekend I will fly to Korea. By leaving the country, I can apply again for a four-month business visa. Maybe China just wants some space. Time apart will make her realize she wants me back.

The timing is terrible. I have family visiting this weekend from Canada and I fear I won’t be able to see them. I’m trying to be optimistic, but China won’t let me. It’s hard to be optimistic in this country when at every turn you find several roadblocks. She’s a jealous and controlling bitch.

The good news: I am now the squatting toilet master. If you can use a squatting toilet on a moving train that’s swaying side to side, you can pee anywhere.