Not Quite 10 Things I Hate About You

Dear China,

This isn't a love letter and I don't want you back. I have been home in Wyoming for three days now and I don't miss you at all. Since I've made this visit, I've developed a list of reasons why our relationship isn't working. Please take it personally and consider changing before I return next week.

1) You are communist. I am democratic. We come from different backgrounds and that is hard to cope with in a relationship.

2) You repress your people and I want them to rise up and say, "Revolution! Revolt of the proletariat!" But you have not taught the Chinese people to be free thinkers.

3) I don't like your cooking. Your food is hard on me. I think I've said enough about this in the past.

4) Living with you is like living with a messy roommate. I never feel clean and it is always my turn to take out the garbage - never yours. And you smell. Please import deodorant and stop cooking stinky tofu.

5) You keep me from everyone I love. You make me choose between you and my friends and that isn't love. When I left you for Wyoming I realized just how many people I left behind. There are so many people I love here, not to mention friendships that had only just barely begun.

6) You like the heat. I hate living in the heat. I hate the heat. I hate it. I absolutely hate it. That is all.

7) You don't close your mouth when you chew, and that is just gross.

8) You make everything more difficult than it has to be. Everything I try to accomplish in China is either thwarted or sidetracked. It's like my Dad's jolly-rigging job with the kitchen stove. You have to turn on the living room lights to cook an egg. It makes no sense.

9) I'm usually not one to complain about size, but you are too big.

China, you are GREAT for two or three weeks; but after that, the honeymoon is over and I want to get the hell outta Dodge.

Always,
M